The man is a zombie

Good slingers need to be good dodgers

Murray Ferris

Ramblings by Murray Ferris

Organ Donors in short supply and dangerous criminals on the increase — there is a fit. How? well bear with me while I get some other stuff off my chest and I will explain.

Once again I am sure I will wind up the tiny minded, the politically correct and the downright bloody boring and humourless people who seem to think that just because they are so ridiculous about everything we all should be. Tough.

Wake up time you sad sods, get a flaming life and if you can’t get your tiny minds around that bit of advice don’t go places you might find off-putting.

You are like the crazy people who buy houses in the country or at the end of an airport runway and then complain about rural noises and bloody aeroplanes; it beggers belief. You are also clearly a self- centred lot.Worse though is you hide behind anonymity, brave, very brave. You are the sort of people who never had an original idea in your lives and just in case someone may challenge your unusual view of the world, you make sure that nobody knows who you are . . . talk about abusing democracy!

I wonder if I could get your names from the Herald under the official information act; worth thinking about I reckon. Then I could say some really nasty and untrue personal things about you. Remember if you are a good slinger you had better be a good dodger.

Well, at the risk of getting a death threat this week I may have another go. I would love to know what you think about this idea; it isn’t an original one, the Chinese have been using it for a long time and their crime rate is very low; wonder why. Should stir up a good debate at least.

My thinking is, we have a number of very serious issues confronting us in Godzone; we have a growing prison population; we have an aging population of baby boomers; and we have a snarled up justice system. And on top of that we have a health system groaning under the strain.

My thinking is we could eliminate some of those problems and relieve the stress on others so it’s a no-brainer. Here is what we could do.

Anyone who is a recidivist violent person, who has done the “three strikes and your out “ programme, should be humanely put down and their organs given to the good people who have worked hard, raised their families and contributed positively to society.

First we would lower the jail population, second we would unclog the court system, third the good people who finished up with crook hearts and kidneys and the like from working too hard and paying the taxes to keep these parasites would be brand new again. And the health system would benefit from us all being healthier. Hell, that’s so simple I am sure everyone will agree with me. And I can see some tax relief as well due to the reduction in government spending.

I will keep an eye out for your letters of support.

another year and whathefuck? Meng?

5 Feb, 2010

Chinese breakfast and all the trimmings by Murray Ferris A friend has just returned from a business trip to China, wonders whether he will go back cause in his words ‘it’s bloody hard work’. This is a transcript of his conversation. By the end of it you will understand Chinese I reckon. Room service: ‘Morrin Roon Serbees’ My Mate: ‘Sorry thought I dialled room service’ Rooms service: ‘Rye. Roon Serbees… Morrin! Jewish to odder sunteen’ My Mate:’Uh.. yes please I’d like to order bacon and eggs’ Room service: ‘Ow ulai kem’ My Mate: ‘What’ Room service: ‘Ow ulai kem? ‘Pryed,boyed, poch’d’ My Mate: ‘Oh the eggs! How do I like them? Well . . . scrambled please.’ Room service: ‘Ow ulai dee bayken? Cripsee’ My Mate:’Crisp is fine.’ Room service: ‘Hokay ahn sahn toes’ My Mate: ‘What?’ Room Service: ‘ Ahn toes,.. ulai sahn toes.’ My Mate: ‘I don’t think so, I am sorry but I don’t know what you are saying.’ Room service; ‘Toes, toes, why u no wan toes? Ow bow ingish moppin we botter.’ My Mate: ‘Oh, English muffin, we were talking about toast. I understand, muffin please’ Room service: ‘We botter.’ My Mate: ‘Just put butter on the side.’ Room service: ‘Wad yo men.’ My Mate: ‘Just put it on the plate.’ Room service: ‘Copy.’ My Mate: ‘Excuse me?’ Room service: ‘Copy, Tea, Meel’. My Mate: ‘Coffee please.’ Room service: ‘Won minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, angish moppin we botter on sigh and copy… rye?’ My Mate: Whatever you say.’ Room service: ‘Tanjooberrymutts.’ Do you understand chinese now?

Dear Jeremy, is there a particular reason I was not offered ‘right of reply’ to the personal attacks in the letters to the editor column? It seemed alright for some last year, why not me?
As regards the following letter I would like to sign-off – if I may be so demanding – on any editing. Ian removed the guts of my last piece and this is not acceptable any more.

to the editor,

Dear Sir,
Lured from his lair your environmental reporter Martin Gibson gave reason, science and the planet a slap in the face. “…cross of orthodoxy….vampire of available evidence…..unelected world government pre-cursors and associated global taxes….”. His piece goes on.

There is a case to be made regarding Martins mounting fervent belief in the political and scientific communities self-interested campaign  to rort and defraud the people of the world and Big Business.

His null and void approach to peer reviewed research is irresponsible. We need better journalism from this died-in-the-wool climate-change skeptic.

Meanwhile the rest of the trolls under this bridge – that we must all cross together – are stirred.
Their refusal to negotiate the future through science is so troglodyte and inhuman that they almost belong to another species. One that would consume the world to attain their rapture – at the expense of us all.

Our unreasonable human-caused global climate change through warming is an evolutionary concept which is measurable and therefore refused out of hand  by the unscientific creationists.
Yours sincerely, Conor Jeory