Cnr Joe

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The man is a zombie

In Uncategorized on March 2, 2010 at 7:20 pm
Good slingers need to be good dodgers
Murray Ferris

Ramblings by Murray Ferris

Organ Donors in short supply and dangerous criminals on the increase — there is a fit. How? well bear with me while I get some other stuff off my chest and I will explain.

Once again I am sure I will wind up the tiny minded, the politically correct and the downright bloody boring and humourless people who seem to think that just because they are so ridiculous about everything we all should be. Tough.

Wake up time you sad sods, get a flaming life and if you can’t get your tiny minds around that bit of advice don’t go places you might find off-putting.

You are like the crazy people who buy houses in the country or at the end of an airport runway and then complain about rural noises and bloody aeroplanes; it beggers belief. You are also clearly a self- centred lot.Worse though is you hide behind anonymity, brave, very brave. You are the sort of people who never had an original idea in your lives and just in case someone may challenge your unusual view of the world, you make sure that nobody knows who you are . . . talk about abusing democracy!

I wonder if I could get your names from the Herald under the official information act; worth thinking about I reckon. Then I could say some really nasty and untrue personal things about you. Remember if you are a good slinger you had better be a good dodger.

Well, at the risk of getting a death threat this week I may have another go. I would love to know what you think about this idea; it isn’t an original one, the Chinese have been using it for a long time and their crime rate is very low; wonder why. Should stir up a good debate at least.

My thinking is, we have a number of very serious issues confronting us in Godzone; we have a growing prison population; we have an aging population of baby boomers; and we have a snarled up justice system. And on top of that we have a health system groaning under the strain.

My thinking is we could eliminate some of those problems and relieve the stress on others so it’s a no-brainer. Here is what we could do.

Anyone who is a recidivist violent person, who has done the “three strikes and your out “ programme, should be humanely put down and their organs given to the good people who have worked hard, raised their families and contributed positively to society.

First we would lower the jail population, second we would unclog the court system, third the good people who finished up with crook hearts and kidneys and the like from working too hard and paying the taxes to keep these parasites would be brand new again. And the health system would benefit from us all being healthier. Hell, that’s so simple I am sure everyone will agree with me. And I can see some tax relief as well due to the reduction in government spending.

I will keep an eye out for your letters of support.


another year and whathefuck? Meng?

In Uncategorized on February 11, 2010 at 12:04 pm
5 Feb, 2010
Chinese breakfast and all the trimmings by Murray Ferris
A friend has just returned from a business trip to China, wonders whether he will go back cause in his words ‘it’s bloody hard work’.

This is a transcript of his conversation. By the end of it you will understand Chinese I reckon.

Room service: ‘Morrin Roon Serbees’

My Mate: ‘Sorry thought I dialled room service’

Rooms service: ‘Rye. Roon Serbees… Morrin! Jewish to odder sunteen’

My Mate:’Uh.. yes please I’d like to order bacon and eggs’

Room service: ‘Ow ulai kem’

My Mate: ‘What’

Room service: ‘Ow ulai kem?

‘Pryed,boyed, poch’d’

My Mate: ‘Oh the eggs! How do I like them? Well . . . scrambled please.’

Room service: ‘Ow ulai dee bayken? Cripsee’

My Mate:’Crisp is fine.’

Room service: ‘Hokay ahn sahn toes’

My Mate: ‘What?’

Room Service: ‘ Ahn toes,.. ulai sahn toes.’

My Mate: ‘I don’t think so, I am sorry but I don’t know what you are saying.’

Room service; ‘Toes, toes, why u no wan toes? Ow bow ingish moppin we botter.’

My Mate: ‘Oh, English muffin, we were talking about toast. I understand, muffin please’

Room service: ‘We botter.’

My Mate: ‘Just put butter on the side.’

Room service: ‘Wad yo men.’

My Mate: ‘Just put it on the plate.’

Room service: ‘Copy.’

My Mate: ‘Excuse me?’

Room service: ‘Copy, Tea, Meel’.

My Mate: ‘Coffee please.’

Room service: ‘Won minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, angish moppin we botter on sigh and copy… rye?’

My Mate: Whatever you say.’

Room service: ‘Tanjooberrymutts.’

Do you understand chinese now?

In Uncategorized on January 26, 2010 at 1:52 am

Dear Jeremy, is there a particular reason I was not offered ‘right of reply’ to the personal attacks in the letters to the editor column? It seemed alright for some last year, why not me?
As regards the following letter I would like to sign-off – if I may be so demanding – on any editing. Ian removed the guts of my last piece and this is not acceptable any more.

to the editor,

Dear Sir,
Lured from his lair your environmental reporter Martin Gibson gave reason, science and the planet a slap in the face. “…cross of orthodoxy….vampire of available evidence…..unelected world government pre-cursors and associated global taxes….”. His piece goes on.

There is a case to be made regarding Martins mounting fervent belief in the political and scientific communities self-interested campaign  to rort and defraud the people of the world and Big Business.

His null and void approach to peer reviewed research is irresponsible. We need better journalism from this died-in-the-wool climate-change skeptic.

Meanwhile the rest of the trolls under this bridge – that we must all cross together – are stirred.
Their refusal to negotiate the future through science is so troglodyte and inhuman that they almost belong to another species. One that would consume the world to attain their rapture – at the expense of us all.

Our unreasonable human-caused global climate change through warming is an evolutionary concept which is measurable and therefore refused out of hand  by the unscientific creationists.
Yours sincerely, Conor Jeory

In Uncategorized on January 26, 2010 at 1:48 am
This from the local environment reporter in the letters to the editor
There’s always melting . . . and freezing!

Ah Conor Jeory, if we don’t believe in free speech for those we disagree with, we don’t believe in it at all.Is it really ’embarrassing, pointless and criminal’ for Gisborne people who don’t worship at the altar of climate change orthodoxy to be given a voice?

Contrary to what you might think, the ‘dangerously out of step’ do read about climate change, but we also read evidence sparsely covered by corporate media, because we trust ourselves to form our own opinions.

Perhaps you feel uneasy going ‘off-piste’ in search of your world view, but there are plenty of others who would happily weigh available evidence and reach their own conclusions.

Your shrill tone suggests ‘latest research’ on permafrost melting in the Arctic (unlikely at this time of the year) is not enough of a cross of orthodoxy to wave at the vampire of available evidence. Your shriek for the wooden stake of censorship is a natural reflex, but relax – climate is a dynamic system.

There’s always melting and there’s always freezing. Arctic ice melts every year, which makes for alarming pictures, but it freezes every year, which (like record Antarctic ice) is not so spectacular and not covered with the same hysteria.

There’s never a shortage of ‘Four legs good, two legs bad!’ issues for the piously half-informed to bleat about, and I promise you’ll be given a new one soon.

Large chunks of the case for runaway global warming from anthropogenic CO2 collapsed like spring ice some time ago, and I for one am proud to be on record questioning that hypothesis, and the unelected world government precursors and associated global taxes and bureaucrats it has been used to justify.

To anticipate your next concern; I’m not saying there’s nothing to worry about – our native flora and fauna need protection and expanded habitat.

I don’t ‘blithely destroy fauna’.

I just don’t see any point bankrupting this country through quixotic carbon taxes on agriculture no other country pays, nor any point in bankrupting our district by planting unharvestable pines on the basis of a null hypothesis.

Martin Gibson

In Uncategorized on January 22, 2010 at 1:57 am
Saturday, 16 January, 2010 9:48 AM
“jeremymuir” <>
Sending you this so Ians cuts are recorded here.
Dear Sir,
Latest research from the Arctic. The permafrost is melting and releasing its stored methane.
This year we will now consider it irresponsible for this paper to publish its regular climate-change deniers as you do.
A.Nichol, M.Ferris, C.Bauld – these writers you encourage are dangerously out of step and so ignorant in the science, so wilfully dumb in their attitudes that it is embarrassing, pointless and criminal for this paper to give them voice and to shelter their mind-set.
Find some writers who read, please.
Find some columnists who can write and don’t want to hurt other people, terrorise animals or blithely obliterate fauna the way these clowns are so proud to do.
Yours sincerely, Conor Jeory

Postal Address: 64 Gladstone Road, PO Box 1143, Gisborne, New Zealand
Ph: +64 6 869 0600
Fax: +64 6 869 0643 (editorial)
Fax: +64 6 869 0644 (advertising)
News Hotline: 0800 NEWSLINE (639 754)

and what got published 5 days later with this shitty Beware! heading


Beware! Permafrost melting

Latest research from the Arctic. The permafrost is melting and releasing its stored methane.

This year we will now consider it irresponsible for this paper to publish its regular climate-change deniers as you do.

These writers are dangerously out of step and so ignorant in the science, so wilfully dumb in their attitudes that it is embarrassing, pointless and criminal for this paper to give them voice and to shelter their mind-set.

Find some writers who read, please.

Find some columnists who can write and don’t want to hurt other people, terrorise animals or blithely obliterate fauna the way they seem so proud to do.

Conor Jeory


In Uncategorized on August 13, 2009 at 5:49 am
13 Aug, 2009
Even fish are protesting
My Irish friend was in Auckland for a few days.
He said the rivers and beaches up there were a disgrace because of pollution.
He said: “It’s so bad that when I caught three fish up there last week they thanked me!”


Grandma, lives in the attic @ the Herald?

In Uncategorized on August 12, 2009 at 5:38 am
12 Aug, 2009
Tourism the key
Congratulations to all those who have helped to set up the Inbound Tour Operators Council conference here.

We need all the help we can get to let the outside world know that we have a bit of heaven here!


How does this woman get her letters printed within 12 hours of what she writes in reference to?

Astonishing, again – the strains of the opening track of ‘Psycho’ spring to mind.

Who is the Editors little friend in his attic?

Its official! Its a column!

In Uncategorized on August 6, 2009 at 4:38 am

6 Aug, 2009 Text Size Email Print Share RSS [hide]

Fishing for facts . . . lands last response

Last weekend we were at the lake furthering our research into the effects of climate change through global warming. To our horror we came across a boatload of drunkard men — with their rods out — having their way with a trout. They were drinking and . . . . I can’t erase the images from my memory. You wouldn’t read about it, I would have thought — then we read the Fishing Guide by M. Ferris and we were exposed, again.

Keep it up M.F.

P.S. Please, Sir — could we request M.F. publish his recommended reading list that supports his angry-man, flat-earther approach to the science of climate change. That should be interesting.

Sincerely, C. Jeory

FOOTNOTE: Conor, I don’t have a recommended reading list as such. But I do read all the material in the papers and listen to what’s up on the TV or radio on most subjects that interest me. I believe you need to balance both sides of any argument before you panic.

I am awaiting a copy of “Air Con” to have a read, but to date have only seen what was presented at the evening with Wishart.

My claim to fame is open mindedness. I don’t panic the minute I read something that claims the world is doomed. That is more than you can claim young fella. I suspect you are scared of everything if some guys having a drink and fishing scare you.

You should stay inside and lock the doors in case the boogie man gets you.

I recommend you stop taking my column too seriously. Actually, I suggest you stop reading it completely because this is the last response you will get from me on your drivel.

Murray Ferris

These ‘people’. Who can they be?

In Uncategorized on August 5, 2009 at 5:16 am
Candy floss blossom time

It looks as if the worst of the winter is over. Already the “candy floss” trees are blossoming and Gisborne will soon be a picture again. Nature can be a joy to behold.

Recession? Yes, but we have much to be thankful for.


Who are these ‘people’?

In Uncategorized on August 1, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I hear the opening strains of ‘Psycho’ when I read the editors little offerings…..
31 Jul, 2009
At least be cautious
Climate change is a worry. Sometimes I’m convinced it’s all happening. Sometimes I think the warnings are exaggerated. But why exaggerate? We need to be cautious but not destructive to our economy in our remedies.