Would you give this man a gun license?

As I can’t access the column digitally I will exercise my two fingers for a while.

At the end of it I will have presented you with Murray Ferris’s The Fishing Guide column of Friday the 15.

I’m told Murray is a past President of the local National Party (rotten) branch. Well rotten teeth now our local mistress parliamentarian Anne Tolley reintroduced Junk food Back into Schools. As Bomber would say How’s that change feeling?

Anyhoo here is the column :

Fishing Guide by Murray Ferris

The musings this week take on a slightly more serious look at our place in the great coil of life. I try to stay positive, I try even harder to be nice to people who annoy me, but this week I am stepping outside the realms of common decency and I am going to deal to a few really dumb people who have passed my radar screen recently.

The first really annoying thing that hit home to all right minded people was the terrible slaying of one of our best in Hawkes Bay. He paid the ultimate price for doing his job. But why oh why do we take so long to deliver retribution to these low life bastards who commit this sort of act.

I am saying what many are thinking and I have an answer of sorts – clearly the poor old coppers are hamstrung by the mamby pamby twats who call themselves society watchdogs. These idiots think that we can’t do this ourselves so they put all the politically correct stepping stones out for the thin blue line to walk on, and in the process they expose us all to more and more of this nonsense.

Well here is my solution, 100 percent guaranteed to solve the immediate problem and any chance of recidivist activity. Bring in a bunch of volunteers – the cue would stretch 100 kilometers I’m sure – strong men (and women), proud and true, who respect the law, work hard and love their families. shut your eyes for half an hour and let them get on and sort things.

This will solve another problem as well – these anti-gun lobbyists who continually wave the flag  when something goes horribly wrong as it clearly did on Napier Hill a week ago – the people who think banning something miraculously stops criminals from doing it. Duh,get a life matey.

Banning guns won’t solve the problem. Chipping problem dogs doesn’t solve attack issues either. Anti-smacking legislation doesn’t stop people with problems beating their children. It just ain’t that simple , and if it was we’d see some positive results already, wouldn’t we?

You see, the people we are dealing with here are outside the law. They don’t give a flying. So when you take the ownership and responsibility away from law-abiding hunters and law-abiding citizens you actually make it harder for people who have legitimate reasons for owning a firearm , and absolutely stuff all difference to criminals and child beaters.

I also had some disturbing news today via a friend who is also as passionate about the outdoors as am I. He and his friends try to get young people interested in the the great wilderness we call our backyard. Listen to this for a bit of twaddle. This guy and his mates contacted one of our armed services to see if they would like the new recruits to get some outdoor experience. Now, please, remember these are the very same people who will be on the front line should, God forbid, we ever need to defend our country.

“No thanks, we had a similar course a while ago where our recruits were required to live off the land and when a couple of rabbits paid the ultimate price, some of the recruits were so traumatized that we had to give them counseling  and we had their parents giving us a hard time”.

I am scared, very scared.

We have the anti-gun lobby trying to remove guns from society, and the army, navy and air force too scared to kill anything – we are bloody doomed I tell you. I am making a terrible assumption here  but I suppose they are pretty much all vegetarians as well. Do they think the meat their mummies bring home from the supermarket was born on a styrene tray covered in glad wrap? I bloody give up.

Well the fishing, in case you are interested, is magnificent – all the rivers are in great order, the lake has come up a tad and the fish are in prime condition (and they also taste delicious) – but don’t tell anyone I killed a couple or I might have to write 100 lines: “I will not kill anything” Oh bugger it, I’m gonna crawl into bed and dream of what used to be before the loonies took over.

May 15, 2009 The Gisborrne Herald.

Well that was not pleasant but I got it done. Will wash fingers.

Have sent a request for the online edition of the GH to post the column on their site.

Apologies to Murray for exposing his bitter ramblings to a wider audience but what the hell.

I will post a line by line ‘look at the silly man’ breakdown of this twisted rambling but I need a drink first.